My summer working in the family business on Corfu

The most crap Houdini and sponges

on August 17, 2012

Hold the press. I’ve done the ultimate Houdini (to quote Anna down at the bar )by quitting the mini market –

In fact I’ve been the most crap Houdini – I disappeared from the Mini market – but one week later I’ve had Jimmy, my partner, beg me to come and make a celebrity special for a few weeks down at the bar – they’ve suddenly been over run with business-

I sat in silence as he practically got down on his knees, while I was drumming my fingers (women can be bitches)…. I left for a principle. Now I’m back, in a different form. Kind of like Ben 10, or the Mystique character from X men, (who charmaeleon like, changes at will), if you will.

So, hence the silence blog wise –
I’m still inside the regime. (So much for Live Aid).
At least we have re addressed the balance.
I should always have been in the bar.
I made my big protest, no one listens, and with a wee bit of begging, I’m back in the whole complex.
Weak perhaps…

We had 700 Italians down last Sunday – the staff are overstretched, two good waiters for 18 tables, no bussies, and me on the till and floor as the only member of staff who speaks Italian, let alone language dealing with the Greeks and French –

Anybody working has to be like a freaking octopus – Imagine this –

(Me, at till, eyes completely gone, and a bit warped, as are all the staff, imagine cross eyes and hair squiffy, calling numbers, throat hoarse)
“Due Centi cinquanta cinque! Theo kosia peninda pende! For fuck sake 250, you lost your BURGER!”

Jimmy’s hair has completely gone Elvis on plugged in steroids. When he looks at you, like most of us, his eyes are crossed and he acts like the rest of us – aggressive and unreasonable –

Me – “FUCK YOU!”
Jimmy – “FUCK YOU TOO”
Me – (To customer) “Five fifty, Thankyou very much.”

On that note, let it be known that the blog continues. No particular theme apart from insanity.
Welcome to the next one after the mayhem, when I may say things like –

Me – “My mother in law has now gone so manic she’s dying her hair with the plastic bag extravaganza every two weeks” (true)
Me – “The staff are a little confused as to why their tips are so good now that I’m on the till down at the bar” (true)
Me – “Yannis, my father in law and I are still not talking. Even when he twisted his foot the other day after falling down the very slippery and ominous marble stairs to the bar, of course I never laughed or smirked in the slightest” (true).

I will, as seems tradition, leave you with the quote of the day – This is an oldie, but a goodie –

(My mother in law with one of those sponges that has the yellow sponge side and the scratchy green side; (like I’d never seen one before))
“Please, please, Looby, when you clean, you must clean. This side (yellow), you put the bleach, and you wait, one, two, three, four.”
(I, baffled by the fervour, was in silence and shock to be honest)
“Then. You wait. One. Two. Three. Four. Then using this (the green) you clean and you clean and you clean.” (My mouth had dropped by this time).
Then the final words, implying I was merely a wretch –


2 responses to “The most crap Houdini and sponges

  1. Diane says:

    Wondered about the silence…… Still as hilarious as ever. My HERO (attempt at not being sexist.. is it possible? or should all heros be called heroines?
    ) XX

  2. Paul Wilson says:

    Ah, Looby at the bar…brings back some memories! “Grab me one of those VB’s from the bottom shelf, love”! 😉 Awesome reading these blog entries, Looby. All the best xxxx

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